How I Lost the Weight Part 1: Self-Esteem Issues at the Gym

A lot of people have asked me, "So how did you lose all of the weight and keep it off?" My first answer is always the same - "I did it the hard way."  I then continue to explain that the weight didn't just pile on over night.  It was a result of years and years of unhealthy eating and little-to-no exercise.  A shopping spree is hardly exercise! ;) So, if it took a long time to pile on, it would definitely take a long time to come off.  How long?  About 3 years.

So, realistically, I did struggle at first.  I hated going to the gym.  I don't think it had anything to do with the notion of "working out".  It was all self-esteem issues.  I mean, at the time, I was probably around 212 pounds and I looked huge.  Looking back at pictures, I was way bigger than I ever remember feeling.  I knew I was seriously overweight, but I kept telling myself that it "wasn't that bad".  Yes it was.  I was fat.  I always wore a baggy t-shirt and workout pants and always felt that people were looking at me and criticizing - I wondered what they were thinking - "She needs to do more than just the treadmill" or "Wow, she is really fat".  But, deep down, I knew what I was doing was the right thing, so I walked into that gym as confident as I could possibly be.  

As the weight came off (at a slow, but healthy pace), I felt more confident walking into the gym.  I didn't hide on the corner treadmill and I eventually meandered on over to the free weights and the other machines.  Sure, I still felt like I had a spot light on me and everyone was criticizing, but there came a point where I had to let that go.

The real motivation came when I realized that working out was actually fun and a great way to deal with the stresses of everyday life. I find working out to be a stress reliever.  It's way more satisfying than munching on a candy bar or depleting my bank account at the mall! :)

Now that I am one of the "fit" people at the gym (it is still so weird to say that I am "fit".... who would have ever thought this would be possible!?!?), I do find myself looking at other people.  My first thoughts when I see someone who is overweight and struggling on the treadmill? "Wow, good for them.  I hope they keep it up".  I find myself internally cheering them on and applauding their effort to become physically active because as a bigger person, it does suck.  Nothing works me up more than someone saying "I need to lose weight, but I hate working out."  But you know what sucks more?  Being an overweight young woman, on high blood pressure medicine, and unable to wear "cute" clothes because they didn't come in my size.

Now don't get me wrong - at first, I HATED going to the gym.  I honestly felt like it was punishment.  What made it even worse were the "slumps" I went through where WEEKS went by and there was no difference on the scale.  But, I held my head high and kept on working out because I knew although the weight wasn't coming off yet, I felt better overall and I knew my body was responding well to the workouts.  Eventually I was out of my size 18 pants and there was nothing more exciting than not having to shop in the "plus size" stores.  

At the start of my healthy lifestyle change, I was probably working out 4-5 times a week, for around 30 minutes.  I typically did 30 minutes on the treadmill and when I was working with a personal trainer, I tacked on about 30 minutes of circuit training.  I gradually worked up my endurance, and I was able to work out longer and harder (increasing the speed as well as the incline on the treadmill).  Occasionally, I jumped on the elliptical, but for the most part, the treadmill is where it's at for me. 

During the "peak" of my weight loss, I was probably working out 7 days a week.  No rest! Should I have taken a day off to rest? Definitely, but at the time, I was so determined to continue to lose weight that I got mad at myself if I drove home after work instead of stopping by the gym.  Over the past 2 years, I would estimate that maybe, with the exception of being in Buffalo for vacations, I may have skipped 30 days at the gym.  Obsessed? I don't think so.  Highly motivated? Absolutely.  

So, now that I'm actually trying to gain a few pounds (these last 5 pounds are HARD!), I'm still working out everyday.  But, I'm always changing up my routines and the intensity.  It's a rarity for me to miss a workout.  Why do I refuse to skip them?  Well, I'd rather workout everyday and occasionally splurge on a treat than only workout 5 days a week and have to be strict with what I eat. 

With all of this being said - I urge you to get off your couch or your chair and get moving.  Whether it's at the gym, walking the neighborhood, or power-walking at the mall.  Heck, you burn calories cleaning your house!  Instead of using a Swiffer to clean your floors, do it the old-fashioned way with a bucket of water, a rag, and scrub, scrub, scrubbing the floor!!! ANY movement = calories burned.  Like I've said before, at first, it is awful.  But think of how happy your body will become.  Think of the self-esteem that will increase.  And think of how it'll make you feel, knowing you're working towards a healthier lifestyle.  

Lots of love,
Lauren

PS- Remember, I am not a personal trainer or a nutritionist, so I cannot offer professional advice.  I can only share my story with you and let you know that anything is possible, if you're willing to work for it.